The Journey of a Counsellor

On paper, it’s relatively easy to counsel. Rape Crisis and other counselling courses teach that the main components of effective counselling include active listening, observational skills, body language, counsellor self-awareness and empathy. All of these skills allow for the opening up of a field of healing – a space where the client is the central focus and as a counsellor, you become a facilitator of healing in this safe space.

The difficult part of counselling comes in the form of having to manage your responses to the pain people offer you to hold for them. The number one question I am asked is ‘that must be so heavy. How do you deal with that?’ well, Rape Crisis had us trudge through our own hurts, our histories, our responses and our triggers, to essentially build a protective barrier. This boundary acts and looks like a stronger version of ourselves so that we are solid when the bricks of another’s identity try to intercept our foundational truth. Those bricks are heavy, and they tend to fly in from nowhere, unannounced.  

It is only when faced with a survivor, who has their own histories and hurts and foundational truth, that we realise there is universal pain. Regardless of their background, gender, race or sexual orientation, something in their honesty or their world-views will trigger a feeling in you. And that is because of the magic of empathy- the ability to feel someone else’s reality so deeply, that it appears to be your own. There have been moments with a client when they say ‘It made me feel so gobbledegook- like a spider with a tail’ and all of a sudden, you know what a gobbledegook is, you know what that tail feels like, you can see where that feeling sat in their body and suddenly it’s sitting there in yours. It’s pure magic. Pure, terrifying, electric magic and it can hurt you if you do not know yourself enough to facilitate this person without having them change you fundamentally. You must have deeply planted roots, support and self-care!  

Rape Crisis taught us the value of being able to hold ourselves. We were told early on, that when things feel too chaotic in your own life, look after yourself first. There is no way that you can effectively hold the space for another person when it’s cluttered with your own pain. This is where self-care comes in- the ability to make time for yourself and your own needs, the ability to check in with yourself regularly and ask yourself what you need right now to make yourself feel safe, loved and happy.

Rape Crisis as an institution has a mandate of empowerment, and that is where the difference lies between it and other organisations. Every aspect of the counselling at Rape Crisis is a response to a survivor having had their power stolen from them by a perpetrator. As humans, we instinctively wish to fix what’s broken- but telling people how to heal after being raped, or telling survivors what their pain should look like, is the most disempowering thing you can do. There is no ‘how to’ guide on finding your strength, or telling your family what has happened to you, or having to face your rapist in court.

The most profound thing Rape Crisis taught me is that everything the client feels is legitimate and normal and important. Everything. The path to healing and empowerment will therefore look different to everyone, and will happen in its own time. As counsellors we do not fix, because a survivor is not broken. They are some of the strongest people I will ever meet, simply because they walked through the doors and asked for their power to be echoed back through the safety and support of others.

My journey as a counsellor has only just begun, but I know now that counselling someone is more than just learning how to listen, or learning to be comfortable with silence, or learning how not to give advice. It is a humbling responsibility and turns you towards yourself in such a beautiful and frightening way, that really, the survivor heals the counsellor as much as we may offer them the space to heal themselves.

Act now! Help us train more counsellors like Robyn by making a donation towards our counselling service here. For 24-hour counselling support, call our crisis line on (021) 447 – 9762.

 

Robyn Raymond 

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Robyn moved to Cape Town from Johannesburg to study psychology in 2011. Having completed her Honours degree and a number of counselling courses through various NGO’s, she is now a counsellor at Rape Crisis’ Athlone office. She is also currently volunteering at an early intervention centre for children with autism. She hopes to pursue a career in the advocacy for mental health in South Africa, with a specific focus on access to mental healthcare structures for Womxn and Queer-identifying individuals.

From University to Cape Town: 10 Weeks Later

As I walked into the Rape Crisis office on my first day, I felt out of place, unqualified, and unsure of how I had come to be here, thousands of miles away from home. I had stumbled upon this internship through my university’s website and jumped at the chance for such an experience. I had few to no expectations as to how everything would actually work out. But as I met staff who welcomed me and introduced themselves, those anxious feelings started to dissipate.

Having finished my first year at university as a media studies major, I was hoping to see how the words in my textbook could be applied. Within my major, I focus on advocacy and change which explores how media can be most effectively utilized to create social development and growth. While I have spent ample time reading about topics such as the importance of appealing to a certain audience or the ethics of communication, I was curious to see how these topics would be implemented in a real setting.

At Rape Crisis, I have learned the specific and sometimes delicate nature of finding out what is needed to appeal to one’s audience. Ethical concerns are of utmost importance. At any nonprofit, but especially one such as Rape Crisis that deals with sensitive stories, the human aspect and respect for empathy are a priority. When planning and then helping out at the organisation’s annual Mandela Day event, I was astounded by the spirit and dedication of the community. The good intentions of the volunteers were evident in the time and thought that went into packing care packs for rape survivors to use after forensic examinations. While it can sometimes be tempting to be pessimistic regarding rape culture, events such as this one showed that progress is being made. During my time, I was continually impressed by the level of emotional intelligence at Rape Crisis.

In addition, I was interested to see how the presence of rape culture manifested in contrasting environments: my university and the Cape Town community. Affected by the distinct factors in each community, the issue of rape culture develops differently. However, from what I have learned, I look forward to helping to address the issue of sexual assault on my own campus. While I will be leaving the physical organization, I hope to continue to contribute while I am back in the States.

The experiences I have gained at Rape Crisis have further confirmed my passion for nonprofit work. I have been exposed to all parts of the job, from sitting in the storage room taking stock to being in meetings for the creation of a new campaign. My favorite project while at work was the development of the I ACT campaign. This campaign allowed me to utilize many different skills: creating effective messaging, taking portraits, and envisioning the aesthetics of the website. I look forward to the launch of this campaign and hope that our work will aid in fundraising for counsellors.

Ten weeks later as I prepare to head back to the States, I can’t imagine how I could have ever felt nervous around any of the people at Rape Crisis. Every morning, I look forward to being greeted by everyone in the office. They work with such honest passion that I hope to embody in my own studies and future career. Thank you to everyone who has made my time in Cape Town so memorable.

Rachel Yen

Rachel is currently a second year student studying sociology, media studies, and Spanish at the University of Colorado Boulder. She is interning with the communications team to gain skills in media and nonprofit work.

Give Your 67 Minutes to Rape Survivors this Mandela Day

Whether you’ve already signed up to attend Rape Crisis’ Mandela Day event on July 15th or have yet to sign up, learn more about Thuthuzela Care Centres (TCC) and how your own community is affected. I spoke with Nomnqweno Nomxhego-Gqada, Thuthuzela Care Centre coordinator, to shed some light on the importance of these care centres and how our Mandela Day event will contribute towards this effort.

Nomnqweno Nomxhego-Gqada

Nomnqweno describes how TCC’s are distinct from other care centres, providing a multitude of services all in one location. In addition, counsellors are present at all times to provide greater accessibility and emotional care. The several services present in a TCC contribute to one goal as stated by Nomnqweno, “[to make] the survivor more aware of what to expect and minimise the level of trauma as [the survivor] will not be telling their story each time they meet a service provider.” TCC’s play an essential role in increasing conviction rates as they allow a greater number of clients to have testing which will provide DNA evidence in court.

The care packs assembled at Rape Crisis’ Mandela Day event will be sent to TCC’s for distribution to survivors. Care packs are filled with toiletries to be provided for every survivor that accesses a TCC. The care packs are compiled in bags, which are themselves symbolic of a connected community effort. Each bag has been hand made by a member of the Change a Life sewing project at the Rape Crisis Khayelitsha office – an initiative that communicates a sense of unity for other survivors and provides an opportunity for economic empowerment. Nomnqweno notes that as a part of minimising trauma, care packs provide comfort to survivors after the completion of a forensic examination and detailed statement.

We invite you to give your 67 minutes for Mandela Day on July 15th at Rosebank Methodist Church Hall from 10.00 am to 15.00 pm. Click here to sign up. Contribute to a world-wide problem and celebrate the progress thus far towards a safer South Africa.

Rachel Yen

Rachel is currently a second year student studying sociology, media studies, and Spanish at the University of Colorado Boulder. She is interning with the communications team to gain skills in media and nonprofit work.

One Rape is Too Many

“SA shocked by murders and rapes”…“Spate of women and child murders-a crisis!”

These are just some of the headlines we have seen over the last month in the media, focusing on telling the stories of violence and horror inflicted on women and children.

The immediate reaction for many is one of shock, despair, anger and panic. For many South Africans, their first point of call for expressing these emotions is social media.

News stories are often shared on Facebook and accompanied by comments such as “rape in SA is getting out of hand,” “government is failing us,” etc.

The other reaction is a “knee jerk” one, which begs people to ask, “How did this happen?” Others immediately think, “How can we tackle this crisis?”

But let’s just stop and examine the facts before panicking and throwing around this word “CRISIS”. 

A few weeks ago marked the annual Child Protection Week or as I like to call it “a week where children get some focus from both government officials and the media.” 

Any crimes committed against children take precedence during this time. Newspapers place these stories on their front pages, bulletins feature these stories at the top- often with sensationalist headlines. Many government departments place it at the top of their agenda and host a week of events where they invite the media to provide coverage, of course.

This leads to ordinary people jumping to the conclusion that these crimes are on the rise. But are they? 

After speaking to many experts in the child rights sector, they would most likely say NO. The number of rapes being committed is not increasing. Prove it? Well, that’s easier said than done. It is difficult to conclusively say that rapes are on the rise because police statistics are problematic on its own (but that could be a subject of a whole new blog). Also, there is a challenge of under-reporting due to the nature in which these crimes are handled by police and prosecuted.

So, just to set the record straight….

Rapes are taking place all over the country, every day, but the reports seldom make it into the public domain. The main culprit is the media who choose when and how often to report on these cases. Similarly, officials in government also choose when to make public declarations about rape. They often take action when a case gains traction in the media.

The most recent example is that of Courtney Pieter’s, a three year old girl who went missing for over a week and was later found dead in a shallow grave near her home. The perpetrator was none other than someone she knew. The media coverage of this case and the events surrounding it escalated its national importance. Perhaps it was due to the nature of the crime or perhaps it was because of the timing of events (close to Child Protection Week). Either way it gained enough attention for the President himself to visit the family of Pieter’s and the community, Elsies River. The gestures made by Jacob Zuma outraged some community activists who have actively fought against these crimes for years. 

There are times when some rapes don’t make it into the media because they are not “gruesome” enough. They don’t have the shock factor because South Africans have become desensitized.

Shouldn’t we be saying that rape is rape no matter what the circumstances. It is disheartening when a brave victim chooses to speak out and tell their story, only to discover that their story has fallen through the cracks because it wasn’t deemed newsworthy.

While it is important that the media report on cases like Courtney Pieter’s to highlight a culmination of multiple social ills in that community, the media nonetheless has a responsibility to report consistently. 

We shouldn’t wait for another Courtney story to be outraged. Nor should we wait for confirmation of a crisis. 

One rape is too many.                           

                                             TheJusticeLady

TheJusticeLady is a writer who wants to give a voice to the voiceless. She is an advocate for the rights of rape survivors. She keeps a close eye on the courts, the media and the role they play in shaping the manner in which society sees rape.